"As coaches we know that goals are important, yet so is being detached from the outcome. Since attachments, especially compulsive, unthinking ones, are so unattractive."
28 Principles of Attraction by Thomas Leonard
From Principle #2: Top 10 Ways to Unhook from the Future
You are most attractive when you're living in the present moment, not living in the future or striving for it. But how does one keep focused on today, yet still attract a better future?
This Top 10 List will help you make this important change in how you live and think.
1. Give up the goals which are seductive.
We all have things we want to achieve or acquire and nothing is wrong with this. But when these types of goals get us worked up to the point that we become more passionate about the future than we are about today, then it's easy to get into trouble. Whether it's a goal to get married, make a million dollars, change the world or become somebody, these kinds of goals can lead one down a seductive path where the future is far more interesting than the present. As a result, you lose the present, which is where the real gifts are.
2. Perfect the present.
When your life isn't as you want it to be, the first thing we tend to do is to set a goal for a better future. Not bad, but if you'd take the same energy and perfect the present right now, you'd probably attract a better future instead of trying to acquire it. Very different approach. The idea is that a better future will find you when you have made the most of the present you've been given. The present is a superb teacher; the future is a seducer.
3. Stop watching television.
People get hooked by advertising messages -- they cause us to want and 'need' more, which is kinda fun, but usually very expensive, given we give up our present quality of life in order to afford that item, tangible or intangible. The tendency is to acquire a lifestyle and confuse that with having a life. If you stop watching television, the future won't be as seductive, because your present will be more appealing.
4. Stop motivating yourself.
Positive self talk, affirmations, external motivation and other 'force' measures can be very, very effective. But they tend to be expensive because they put the blinders on and turn you into a horse running on a track. Better to enjoy all of what you already have to the point that you don't need to change a thing. At that point, a better future will find you, without the expense of motivation.
5. Stop trying to become a better person.
Give up. I've coached too many people trying to become a better person that they lose their humanness. Ego is a very, very positive part of you. Faults are rich and wonderful teachers. Mistakes are golden. Weaknesses are usually just hidden strengths. So, stop trying to improve, declare the game over and get to know 100% of YOU, just as you are. Stop trying to change yourself and you'll start living much more in the present. The future does not need you to improve, but it does need you to evolve. You can only evolve when you are in the present, not striving for a better future. This is a tricky one, so stay with the it and work it out for yourself.
6. Stop over-planning.
I don't mean not to plan for your financial future or to give up your important goals. But it's tempting for some personality types to think that fully laid-out plans and perfectly identified goals are the right thing to do. In fact, they may simply be a mind exercise to reduce risk and fear. Identify a vision or sketch out a plan and then learn-as-you-go, but learn quickly. Better to become a rapid in-the-moment learner than become an expert planner. Life is accelerating so quickly, that most planning skills are irrelevant by the time you master them.
7. Stop hoping.
Life may improve for you, but not because you're hoping. A popular bumper sticker says it all: "Since I gave up hope, I feel so much better." If you're living in hope for something to occur or improve, you're simply escaping from the present. We all need an escape from the present from time to time; just don't turn hope (aka the future) into your personal ZIP CODE.
8. Give up future-based possibility.
There is a lot that's possible in life and many of the best things that will happen to you during life will be things that you never saw as even possible. But does expanding your thinking to consider what's possible make these things happen more often or sooner? The jury is out on this one. But the idea is that if you see the possibility in the present, instead of what's possible in the future, you'll be a lot better off and more attractive.
9. Stop hanging out with strivers.
Strivers can be very fun to be with, but the net result is usually a drain of your energy. Strivers need lots of encouragement and energy from others to keep up their pace. Find folks who are happy with themselves and who are involved in creative endeavours which express their values instead of seeking to succeed.
10. Stop using if/then formulas.
Whenever I hear someone start out a sentence with "if" or "when," I know they are living in the future. Entrepreneurial types, being optimists, are really good at this. The trick is to take out the words "if" and "when" from your vocabulary. That will help you stay in the present and not set you up to have what you want to occur be conditional or hinge on another person/event, such as "When I get my degree, I will make more money." Better to say something like, "I am really, really enjoying my studies." See the difference in orientation?
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